Letting Go

"Don't store up your treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will be." -Matthew 6:19-21

I like earrings. A lot. I'm not too into clothes, or shoes, or purses, or anything like that, but I have had an earring fetish since I got my ears pierced for the first time when I was 10. I have many pairs of dangly, pretty, vibrant earrings that I change every day and wear constantly.
You probably know it is pretty usual for me when I lose something, break something, or have something stolen, and earrings are not excluded from that.
I know that earrings will fade on this earth and won't be coming with me to the pearly gates. but I've always had an attachment to them and mourn when I lose/break one.
A few days ago, I was on my bike ride, and one of my favorites fell out. The lady in the car stopped right in front of it so I could go back and retrieve it. I stuck it in the wires of my bike. All was fine until I was on my way back and was crossing the sidewalk, turning into the bike lane. They both fell out and one completely shattered, the other one perfectly fine. I was heartbroken, but knew it wasn't the end of the world.
Just this morning, on my way out the door to class, I couldn't find a back to one of them but decided I'd just keep an eye on it. Both were still intact in German class, and it wasn't until I got home that I realized it was missing. Reluctantly I headed back into the rain to trace my steps for my bright orange and red earring (with all the leaves on the ground, good luck :) Having a little time on my hands, I even waited outside the classroom I was in until it got out and looked for it, nothing. I was walking back and finally relinquished it in my heart. I decided once and for all that losing jewelry wouldn't have the power to bring me down and that I would strive instead to store treasures in Heaven. That being said, I was about to approach Charis and got a text from my dear friend and house manager Sarah that said, "I think I found one of your earrings outside of Weniger (building on edge of campus) so i put it on your earring rack :)" HAHA!! She saw it on the sidewalk getting buried with leaves and she assumed it was mine, looking like one I would wear, took it and put it on my rack! It made me crack up and thank God at the same time. Ohhh, all the details He cares about! Even though I didn't need it back...he did anyways and gave me a cool story too :)

Prayer and Purpose

My Recent Prayer:
Lord, mature me in every way but that of my childlike faith.

My Newfound Purpose:
2 Cor. 1:3-6-"God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort otheres. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation!"
I have been learning that one of my main purposes here on earth is to be of comfort to others so that they can experience His comfort, which in turn spurs them on into action and what the Lord is calling them to.
There have been a few instances in which I felt privileged to offer some comfort to my friends, one new, and one old. Even such small actions fill me up with joy knowing that I could spread some of the Lord's comfort. Now I can fully understand that verse!
For instance, last weekend I recruited two girls (one, the quiet roomie Rebecca, and the other a girl down the hall) to go on my bike ride with me. I warned them that I would be charging through the puddles and getting wet and dirty. Miraculously, they were still willing to come. Although I had wanted it to be raining, as we biked further along it became the MOST beautiful day, pretty warm for Oct. and blue sky with clouds. As we stopped at the place with the abandoned barn on hill, which is my favorite, I asked if they wanted to stop and walk up to it. We walked up there and Rebecca in particular was blown away. It WAS so beautiful, with the sky, blowing leaves, quiet, fields, hills and trees in the distance. She kept saying, "this is incredible!", "oh my gosh!" "I had no idea this was here" "I'm coming back here with Nick" (her boyfriend) with tears in her eyes. I could tell that it had refreshed her and brought rest to her soul, and thanked me again at the end for the INCREDIBLE bike ride. :) It was a simple, almost insignificant thing. But what struck me was that this bike ride that had/has brought me so much comfort and joy, I was able to share with the next person who was in need of it. I LOVE SHARING joy and rest for the soul when I know a good place. I think Jesus is thrilled when it is shared and wants every person to experience it daily! How cool it is that I am His vessel, that He made and chose me before the world began, and it gave Him pleasure.
WOW!

On another note, tonight our drama team will be doing one drama for our Mon. night meeting (at Charis) in hopes of getting a few more people to help out. I will be talking about it afterwards, which will be a little stretching. Over the last few weeks, I have kind of become the co-leader/leader of the dramas as Amy has stepped down from it at the end of last year and one of the other main leader guys can't be there when we do the dramas. It feels like all of a sudden I have a huge responsibillity, but at the same time I know that I can just facilitate (because I know I have that gift) and not have to know everything.
So please keep praying, will keep you updated!

Thanks friends.
Love,
Suse

My Bike Ride/Happy Places

Here is a little tour of my bike ride so you can taste a little of what I get to experience.....
check out the beauty of the Lord!
:)

Freely You Have Received, Freely You Give

Well, it is Day 5 of living at Charis with all of the girls!!
I am SOO glad to be back. At the same time, it presents itself with new challenges. Generally, I am not a huge fan of change and prefer familiarity and sameness. This year, like I mentioned before, I am in the same 6-room with two of my good friends Kim and Roxy and 3 new girls.
I knew at the end of last year that I would struggle a lot with heartache and a little depression from not having the same roomies, namely Whit and Amy. It is just not the same chemistry our room last year had, and it is hard transitioning from living with my best friends--a safe, comfortable, place--to living with roommates, who I still feel like I have to watch myself around so I don't offend them or give off the wrong impression.
However, I feel like it is going to be a good year. DIFFERENT, but the way God wants it. I am learning that the comfort and joy I received from my roomies last year was a gift and that I am to SHARE it, give it away to my new roomies this year. Boy, is it hard sometimes. At times I just want to be the "baby" still, have someone to always be pouring into me, asking me about my day and offering me things....haha I realize this selfish part of me, but it is so convicting in a good way! There is one girl, Rebecca, (a frosh) who is super cool and sweet but she is so shy and having a hard time with the move in. I know she has shed some tears and had many phone calls home, and hardly talks. So I am asking the Lord how I can be a comfort to her without embarrassing her or prying too much. Please pray for me in this. Another girl, Amanda, (a transfer junior) is super halarious, girly, fashionable and sweet, and although we are SUPER different, we get along really well! Kristen, the other frosh, is really cool and very mature. She is a little more reserved too, but we click a lot too. We went out to coffee yesterday and we both shared our testimonies and we were able to be very open and honest with each other. Good beginnings!!
Worship leading is going well, it is so easy when you don't have anyone but God to worry about, if you know what I mean! I feel like fear of man is being obliterated more and more in me, especially with all the new girls in the house (with some that intimidate me) and I feel like I can still be my crazy self and not worry about a reputation to maintain. AMEN.
We are still praying/organizing the small groups. I will have about 5 or 6 girls. Getting anzious to start them!
Finances are a bit of a burden. I still have textbooks to buy, which are very costly this term, and I don't know where that $ will come from. Please pray for provision from the Lord and that I will continue to rest and trust in Him.
Well, there is more, but I have to go now...will update soon!
blessings from the Fountain,
suse

Emily

This is Emily, my sweet neighbor girl and constant companion. :) She is such a joy in my life, and yet there are also times that Jesus teaches me bunches through her. For instance, she will be playing in my room while I am doing something, and will ask me hundreds of questions (a 5 year old's speech+Spanish doesn't always equal full comprehension on my part :) The questions mainly consist of "Que es esto?" (what is this?) "Que haces? (what are you doing?) "Para que es esto?" (what is this for?) "Puedes arreglar esto? (can you fix this?) Or just...."Quiero dulces de fruta" (I want fruit snacks, LOL!)

So, the other day, I had just gotten back from nannying a long day and was dog-tired. I was just starting to relax in my room when I heard the knock on the door. I already knew who it was, but thought I would check just in case. I peeped through the peephole and saw my little angel, in pink as usual. I was on the verge of walking back to my room so I could finally have some peace and quiet. But before I did that, I stopped and thought, "If I were Jesus right now, would he have rejected a child at his door? Would he have put his own desires and needs above others? Would he have slept well knowing he denied the needs and wants of a child?" This flashed through my brain and I compulsively opened the door. Her notorious big grin, with no front teeth whatsoever (too much sugar in the earlier days) appeared as well as an "Hola Susana!" I replied with the ususal, "Hola, Emily, entra". And even though i didn't have much energy, I allowed the Lord to still pour in what I had to that little girl. As a funny sidenote, I had been on the computer on my bed and wasn't really watching what she was doing, and a long time later I realized she had picked up all the clothes on my floor (clean and dirty) and stacked them neatly in my basket :)

For some background info on little Emily-she has an older brother, "Lalo", and a new baby brother. Her dad and abuelo work at a nursery/landscaping place I think, and her mom works at Panda Express. Her parents are gone a lot, and she's stuck with her grandparents just about every day--which is when she gets super bored and comes to chill at our house! :) My mom and Bruce are like second parents to her, I would imagine. She LOVES them to pieces, as well as our two cats! Emily, even though she is well loved, I can sense an orphan spirit to her sometimes (that is in us all to varying levels at different points in our lives). She is needy for attention. She wants someone to spend time with her. She wants someone to tell her she is beautiful. She wants someone to tell her she is precious and that she can sing well. She does not say these things, but I know it in my heart, and I strive to pour Love into her whenever I can. When she spills something on the floor, I tell her it's ok and don't get upset with her. If she asks for anything, I almost always give it to her. I spoil her with chocolate soymilk drinks. I jump on the trampoline with her and her brother/cousins. I am probably a little too childlike when I am around her! But I think this is what Jesus wants.

Emily's family is Catholic. I have no idea how to go about sharing with her/the kids/the fam about a relationship with Christ and true Grace. It seems all too impossible for a family so rooted in one belief to welcome another one. Jesus has gently reminded me that they are not my responsibility. They will know we are Christians by our love, right?!?! Simple as that. I can pray, and I can love, and I can use words when needed. Hopefully some seeds will be planted that the Gardener and the Gardener alone will urge to grow.

I often have worship music playing when the kids are in my room. Emily has a wonderful voice, as I have noticed when she sings Miley Cyrus or Taylor Swift songs (her alltime faves!) by and by. One time "Orphan Song" was playing (by Enter the Worship Circle, check it out if you haven't heard it!" The chorus goes, "There is no love like yours in all the world~there is no love like yours in the universe~there is no love that heals my broken heart~there is no love like yours at all." And she starting humming along and trying to sing the words she could understand! I hope that the Spirit touched her heart even if she didn't know what she was singing. It touched me so much, I don't know why. I just hope that one day she will truly be in love with our Jesus. My heart yearns for their union, as I have tears in my eyes right now just thinking about it.

I'm Backkk!

Hello Dear Friends.

I couldn't believe it when I saw it'd been 9 months since my last update! That's 9 months too long...;) There's no way I can summarize that amount of time, but since most of you generally know about it, I'm going to give a more detailed account of my summer and of the upcoming year. Keep checking back for more posts, as I will be better about writing them now! :)

So much to tell...so sorry if this is scattered...



NANNYING

I have had the blessing of nannying this summer-as much as I loved the food industry (well ok-the free ice cream!) I was super glad when this oppurtunity fell in my lap. I help out a family in West Linn with 3 kids- a 4 yr old boy, a 2 yr old girl, and newborn boy. I have been the nanny, cook, chaueffer (sp?), housekeeper, friend, unpacker (they moved into a huge house), teacher, handyman, you name it, for the last few months. Phew! It has been so tiring at times that I just don't know how to get through the next minute--times like these I lift my hands up to God for more of His Spirit to invade me! I have learned SO SO much through this job though (that's a whole nother blog!) Little things (ha) like humility, servant's heart, selflessness, strength, joy in the Lord, patience, gentleness...on and on. It is quite difficult whne you are not used to lots of yelling, screaming, crying, and just negativity most of the time. It took a lot of the Lord's joy to get me through! I have made friends with Sally, the mom, as most of the day we just talk. I have also gotten to know the dad, Lawrence, quite a bit as we do the heavy work. It has actually been a challenge (a good one) because he is very philosophical and interested in religion (they are both Christians, he converted from Judaism years ago though) and he likes to nail me with the hardest questions he knows! I am part of their family now, which has its ups and downs. Again, I am so grateful to have had this job, but am also grateful that I only have 3 days left of it :)



CORVALLIS

One of my best friends, and old roommates, Amy, lives in Corvallis and I have gotten to spend quite a bit of time with her this summer. I just LOVE Corvallis so much and it makes it even better to have such a good friend to visit. I have said this over and over, but I am just so blessed to have the friends I made last year, and I know they will be lifelong. They are all so beautiful from the inside out, so selfless, sincere, sensitive, caring, make me laugh all the time, make me feel special and loved, and we always encourage each other in our walks with the Lord. I tell them anything and everything, which I have never really done with anyone. I see Jesus in every one of them: Amy, Whitney, Julie, Roxy, Kendra, Kim.....I am such a loved girl. Side note: at the beg. of the year, Amy gave me the nickname "Soup" and now, pretty much everyone in Corvallis calls me that :) Anyways, Corvallis...some of Amy and my favorite pastimes are biking all around town and in the countryside, wading in creeks, having meals with her fam, watching movies, singing, stargazing, leading worship at our church, dancing to music, etc.! Amy and I also sung in our friend Julia's wedding this summer. Another activity I got to do with Amy and Whit was floating the river. OH MY WORD! If you have not done it, I highly reccommend it. It is soo relaxing and peaceful and fun. That was probably one of the biggest highlights of the summer. I have also gotten to see Whit a bit, as she lives only 13 minutes from my dad! So cool.
Also, I have gotten to see my cousin and one of my best friends, Milly, a fair amount this summer. I am so thankful for her and she is such a great friend. Although she lives right across the border in WA, that doesn't keep us from seeing each other for long!
Did I mention that I attended 3 weddings this summer? all from Charis girls..




THIS NEXT YEAR

Roommate wise, I got the same 6-man room again (at Charis)!!! which I requested, and I am so stoked. Two of my best friends, Roxy and Kim, are my roomies and also 3 new girls which are awesome (I met them at the BBQ). The Lord knew my heart again and provided in awesome ways. I was not even expecting to know anyone in my room, because of the high number of new girls, so that was cool. I know, though, that this year will be one of discipling/befriending the new girls. There will be 2 freshman, Rebecca and Kristen, that seem kind of shy but are super sweet. I am excited to be to them what Whit and Aimes were for me, and I know that God has put them in my room for a reason. Although I will have much heartache, missing my roomies last year, I think this year will be one of learning selflessness and giving away what I was so abundantly given.

Leadership! I am going to be the worship leader and a small group leader...I have felt many things about it, but now I mostly feel a peace and excitement that comes from the Lord! I should be feeling unprepared right now, as I have 2 weeks left and haven't done much "preparing", but the Lord has poured so much truth into me and I know that He saw me as an open vessel He wants to use more of. I have been humbled and know that the Lord will receive the most glory when i am small in my own eyes. I have also heard this in a Bill Johnson sermon...."When preoccupied by your own gretaness, you are influenced and manipulated by fear of man. When concerned about your reputation and others' perceptions of you, you are manipulated and controlled into a political spirit where you control your surroundings so you can give off the right image and present yourself well." WOW!! It is so true, and realized I have done this in the past. I am serving an audience of ONE!
Earlier I was having struggles feeling qualified/inadequate for my position, thinking about how far from perfect I am and how I would be able to rise above all the crap in my life and minister and encourage the girls. Then I was reminded that duh, we are all sinners alike, and it is the blood and righteousness of Christ that sees us pure and holy and blameless, and lets us minister freely without condemnation. OH! Also, the two words God gave me for this year is boldness and transparency , which I need to pursue the most. I need to be bold because the Lord has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind..and I can stand firm because the Lord has washed me as white as snow, and because I can enter the throne room in boldness. I need to be transparent because I am not worried about a reputation and the other girls need to relate to me, and know that I sin but that I am still a daughter of the King, and everything He has is mine.



SCHOOL

No one is probably very interested in this, ha, but I am excited to finally be taking third year Spanish (it was complicated, but couldn't get in last year) this year!!!! It is one of my biggest passions and so I am excited to finally be challenged and be practicing and learning it with help and not just on my own! :) In addition, I'll be taking first year German!! ahhh! :) I'll let you know how that goes....! Fall term, I'll also be taking a salsa dancing class! and an anthro and ethnic studies class. Should be a fun term! I'm looking forward to it...I want school to start soon!

As for after-college talk, the same remains...I'm doing what Jesus leads me to do! Right now, I don't feel as big of an emphasis on doing the education thing--teaching, ESL, etc. I still would love to do that someday and am not excluding it by any means, but I am overpowered by a stronger desire and what I think the Lord is annointing me to do--and I believe this is going out to the end of the earths! I am not a big fan of labeling out of the country missionaries "missionaries", because every believer is a missionary, wherever they're at. For the last 4 or so years though, my heart has been yearning for Spanish speaking countries and loving on the poor, orphaned, dirty, hopeless....living a hard and dirty life not many will choose to live. I don't say this in a prideful way at all, but I think the Lord has blessed me with the ability to live very simply, spontaneously, and carefree. Bolivia and Mexico have been on my heart especially, so we'll see where that goes. If I could right now, I would be on the streets in one of those countries, adopting little children right and left and teaching them Jesus :) so that is why I don't think the education route will be taking place right away....but I am open for whatever He has! Bethel school of supernatural ministry/worship could be another option. I am at peace with it, and don't care if I don't know until the week before what i'm doing! That is a miracle from God, because I am the kind of person who always wants to know the schedule/what's going on and all the details and specifics. So although I talk about the future a lot, I have no worries and am learning to live more and more in the present. Amen

Well, that is a lot for now....I must go, but I will update soon! :)

PS how do you put pictures up on here??

Thanks for reading.Love you much,

Suse

Outpourings of Song

Woww...if I wasn't already blown away by the Lord, He gave me two new songs in the last 2 days!!! I am in love with this season of my life!! (knock on wood :). The last few years have been dry in receiving things like this, so it's always a treat when I receive that supernatural song-writing feeling and the melody and words just flow from within. God, use them...

FOREVERMORE

You created my heart
Knew my desires from the start
You see all of my fears
You collect every tear

No more waiting on
No more grieving for
Any other

For You will be my lover
You will be my lover
Forevermore
Pursue me, captivate me
Jesus I am yours
And You are mine

Your plans for me are great
My life to you I want to dedicate
Good and loving you always are
You rejoice in healing every scar

You will never leave me
You will always love me
I am so content with You

and...

NAIL

Everything I once held dear
I lay down at your feet
Worldy passions, earthly gain
I no longer want

I nail it all to the tree
Your life, Lord, is more than enough for me
I’m unworthy of such love
But your blood it says it all

How can I not give You everything
My precious King
To live like a citizen of Heaven
My eyes always on You

And I say
Thank You Lord
Thank You for who You are
Thank You for what You’ve done
I’m in love with You

I've thought about the idea recently of trying to compile all my songs and somehow record them. Mainly just to bless my friends and fam. I definitely would not do this for the sake of attention, but in remembering the words in scripture, about using and practicing your gifts-being a part of the Body that brings Him glory. If God called me tonight to quit school and lead worship on the other side of the world, I would. If he wants me to stay in Corvallis for 10 more years, so be it. I just want to be open to Spirit, and in the meanwhile, not think about the future but rather what He wants me to do in THAT MOMENT and what I can be doing for Him. That's another thing I've been thinking about...how I can do things without permission knowing that He will pleased. It's like me when I was young, I wouldn't ask my dad if I could draw a picture for him; I knew him and knew that he would pleased when he received it. (That of course does not mean I can go about everything without prayer) Sorry if i lost you there. That is how my mind works ;)
One more thing...a few nights ago I took a late night snowy walk with Jesus...and He showed up like none other, the Presence was so thick, and He revealed some awesome things...so keep checking for that in another blog...
thanks for reading!!
God bless you
Suse